It’s Not a SimulationSatire for the Terminally Observant

The Scene

At the door guy: inconclusive

By Ron MeachamApril 24, 2026

Meacham arrived at the bar shortly after 9 p.m. The bar, located on East Cesar Chavez, had been the subject of three separate tips in the previous week, all regarding what sources described as "the situation with the door guy." The door guy, when asked, said he did not know what Meacham was referring to. Meacham asked again. The door guy said the same thing.

Meacham entered.

The bar was at approximately half capacity. A man at the end of the bar was arguing with a woman about what sounded like a timeshare. Meacham approached the bartender and asked whether the owner was in. The bartender said the owner was in the back. Meacham asked if he could speak with the owner. The bartender said the owner did not want to speak with him. Meacham asked how the bartender knew that, given that Meacham had not yet identified himself. The bartender did not respond. The bartender went to the back.

Meacham remained at the bar for approximately eleven minutes. During this time, the bartender did not return. A different bartender, who had not been present when Meacham entered, took over the bar. This bartender — a woman in her thirties with a small tattoo on her left forearm that Meacham could not identify — asked Meacham what he wanted. Meacham ordered a Shiner Bock. The bartender served the Shiner Bock. Meacham paid for the Shiner Bock. The transaction was uneventful.

At approximately 9:14 p.m., a man who was not the owner but who was wearing what Meacham would describe as "the kind of shirt an owner's cousin wears" approached and asked Meacham to leave. Meacham asked on what grounds. The man said "you know." Meacham did not know. Meacham said so. The man said "you know." A second man, carrying a glass of beer, approached at this point and, without speaking, struck the first man in the side of the head with the glass. The glass broke. Beer went on Meacham's jacket.

The first man sat down on the floor. The second man left through the back.

Meacham looked at the camera. Meacham said "we'll be right back."

There was no camera. Meacham left the bar at 9:18 p.m. The jacket is dry-cleanable.

Meacham returned to the bar the following night at approximately the same time. The bar was open. The door guy was the same door guy. The door guy did not appear to recognize Meacham. Meacham asked the door guy whether anything had happened at the bar the previous evening. The door guy said "no." Meacham asked if the door guy was sure. The door guy said "yes."

Meacham did not enter.

The original three tips, which had come in separately over the previous week, had described the bar in terms that suggested a pattern. The first tip had referenced "what goes on in the back." The second tip had referenced "the situation with the door guy." The third tip had referenced "something that happened there in October." Meacham had not, during his eleven minutes inside the bar or during his subsequent conversation with the door guy, been able to corroborate any of the three tips.

The bar continues to operate. The owner has not responded to follow-up requests for comment. The first bartender, whose name Meacham does not have, has not been at the bar on either of Meacham's subsequent visits. The second bartender, whose name Meacham does have and will not print, appears to be the primary evening bartender as of this filing.

Meacham will continue to monitor the situation.

The jacket has been dry-cleaned. The cost was $14.

— Cut to camera.

Ron Meacham

Scene reporter, former television.

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